You, too, can have a glamorous delivery day!

Most of the time, I’m thrilled to be parenting in the age of the social network. I can ooh and ahh over faraway friends’ baby pics, commiserate with my online mom pals when I’m having a bad day, and get great advice on everything from potty training to pacifiers from experienced moms I know and trust.

But then I saw this news story about how half of new moms are now primping in the delivery room, because they know their birth photos will be all over Facebook within hours. Another article offers “pointers for a glamorous delivery day:” get a blowout, bring lipgloss and mascara, and if necessary, flatiron your hair between contractions (I wish I were kidding about that one).

Of course, celebrities lead the way when it comes to post-partum perfection, putting even more pressure on the rest of us regular moms. Earlier this weekend, celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe debuted her days-old son Skylar, looking as meticulously made-up as a runway model (and just about as thin, too).

Now, I’m all for looking and feeling your best. Every expectant mom deserves unlimited mani/pedis, massages, and as much pampering as she can get, especially in her ninth month, when she feels about as attractive as a beluga whale.

But in the delivery room? Flatironing between contractions? Seriously?

Does living in the social networking era mean that new moms don’t even get a few hours off from the pressure to be glamorous, thin, and camera-ready? Don’t we get a day to revel in the joy of motherhood without worrying about the perfect blowout?

If there were ever a time to let go of the need to be viewed as an object of desire, it’s in the delivery room. (You are desirable--that's how you got knocked up in the first place, remember?) Moms who’ve just given birth are beautiful, period. It doesn’t matter if they’re sporting a designer hospital gown or false eyelashes or whatever else they packed in their delivery-day makeup bag.

And flatironing during labor--come on. Those things get up to 400 degrees. If they came with comprehensive warning labels, I'm pretty sure DO NOT USE WHILE ATTEMPTING TO PUSH OUT A BABY would be warning number one.

I know many people out there will disagree with me, and say that they deserve to feel pretty, that they want to look back on photos of themselves looking gorgeous on this monumental day in their lives.

OK, fine. But I still think it’s sad. If our culture recognized birthing women as the beautiful, powerful, awe-inspiring beings that we are, maybe we wouldn’t feel as much pressure to look like supermodels in the delivery room.

Maybe we’d realize that this special day should be about bringing a new life into the world, not broadcasting a primped, beautified vision of perfection to the world. Maybe we’d view flushed faces and tired eyes and sweaty hair as badges of honor. Because they are.

Maybe it’s not realistic. But, for the sake of new families everywhere, I honestly hope the pressure to be glamorous doesn’t overshadow the real beauty of giving birth.


Me on Mia's birthday. Makeup-free, decidedly untrendy, and happy beyond words.

Ballet beginnings

Bianca's first ballet class today. Adorable and bittersweet (made more so, possibly, by the fact that she starts "real school" on Monday). Is she really this big already?

She did great, and she was ready. I've been wanting to sign her up for ballet since she was 2, but I'm glad I waited until she asked for classes. When I started talking to her about how to behave in ballet class, she came back with "I know! I know! Don't disturb other people!" Think we've had a few of those conversations before? :)

Nightie couture

Bianca dresses herself these days...and, after reading this amazing book by Alyson Schafer (about avoiding power struggles with your kids, among other things), I don't fight her over clothing choices. She's old enough to choose her own clothes, even if they're not always the ones I'd pick. And I love seeing the pride on her face when she puts together her "perfect" look.

So this is what she chose to wear to preschool this morning. (I packed regular clothes in her backpack.)

I love that she's still free and innocent enough to want to wear her mom's old nightgown to preschool. I know that will change soon enough.

She eats!

If you saw my last post, you know that we're having trouble getting Bianca to eat more than a few bites these days. Not true of Mia! She's been asking for a spoon lately, so I gave her one with some yogurt. Another little experiment. And she rocked it! She's a spoon-eating prodigy! Or maybe not--maybe it's a completely age-appropriate thing for her to do at 16 months. I forget. Anyway, yay! She's totally capable of eating with a spoon and I had no idea! What other tricks is she hiding up her sleeve, I wonder? Can she change her own diaper? Balance a checkbook? Tie her shoes? The possibilities are endless!

Kitchen "help"

Our latest experiment…are kids really more likely to eat food that they help prepare? Apparently, kids are something like 47% more likely to eat food if they help make it. Or 26%. Or somewhere in between. I can’t remember the exact statistic—-but I know it’s supposed to help. And at this point, we’ll try just about anything.

And B’s getting to an age where she can actually HELP in the kitchen. When she was 2, “helping” consisted of covering every visible surface with flour and dropping eggs on the floor. When she was 3, she progressed to cracking eggs (mostly in bowls), helping stir, and getting things out of the fridge for me. Not always the right things, but sometimes. Now, at 4, she can pour pancake batter, scramble eggs, even cut up some fruits and veggies with a dull knife. (Fortunately, every knife in our house is dull.)

But is she more likely to actually eat the food? Hmmmm. Based on our recent trials, I’d have to say—maybe. She’s approximately 13% more likely to eat 7% more food, as long as there’s a full moon and a double rainbow and a goldfinch singing on our deck. That translates into a couple of extra bites on alternating months. In other words, not really. We'll keep trying, though--I’m enjoying the extra kitchen help!

Ending Early Wakeups

For the past week, we’ve been woken at crack of dawn each day by a terribly persistent pest. No, not one of our kids—it’s a woodpecker, drilling away at the downspout right outside of bedroom window. This vexing bird makes an unholy clatter at 5 a.m., wakes our entire family, then flies off on its merry way. I’m a pacifist, but I’ve never been more violently inclined toward another living creature.

Waking at 5 a.m. can do that to a person. Many new parents feel my pain. Early waking is one of the most frustrating sleep issues for parents of babies and young kids. The hour of choice is often 5 a.m., because small children are tuned in to the same prehistoric biological clock as our woodpecker, one dating back to the days when we rose with the sun to start a fire or begin start gathering food for the day.

Bianca has taken a few forays into the world of 5 a.m. wakeups. It’s no fun, but I’ve always been able to get her schedule back on track. As a moderator for an online sleep forum, I helped tons of parents with this very problem. (It never ceases to amaze me that kids everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE, have the same sleep problems. I’m telling you, their little clocks are synced up. We need to figure out how they do it.)

I addressed 5 a.m. wakeups this week at ParentingSquad.com. But it’s such a big problem for so many of my fellow parents that I want to go into more detail here. Read on tips on keeping the 5 a.m. monster from moving into your house. You won’t find any tips on getting rid of woodpeckers. We’re still working on that one.

Early to Bed, Later to Rise

Tons of parents—along with mothers-in-law, well-meaning strangers, even some pediatricians—assume that a child who wakes at 5 a.m. must need a later bedtime. Please, please don’t follow this advice. At least not without trying a few other things first. The fact is, most kids who wake early are overtired. They need to go to sleep earlier, not later.

Stay with me. When babies and small children are sleep-deprived, their little bodies fight to stay awake by pumping out adrenaline. Soon, they’re so wired that it’s difficult to reach and maintain deep, restorative sleep. When these kids hit the naturally-occurring period of light sleep that happens in the early morning, they wake up and stay awake.

The best offense in the war against early waking is an earlier bedtime. Try moving bedtime earlier by at least 30 minutes every day for a week. Stick with it; changing a pattern takes time.

It's not Party Time

I’m fascinated by the connection between light exposure and sleep, and I’ve discussed the topic at length with many a sleep doctor. Light is one of the strongest factors influencing our biological rhythms. Mealtimes also help sync our inner clocks.

So greeting your early riser by flipping on the lights, turning on cartoons, and shoving a bowl of cereal at them is the absolute worst thing you can do. It's like telling their brain “Yay! It’s wake up time! We’ll see you tomorrow—same time, same place!” That’s why this is such a frustratingly persistent problem for many families. If you reward early wakeups with TV, interaction, toys, and food, you can bet they'll want to do it again. (If they're starving, feed them, of course. But don't offer it first thing just to distract them or buy yourself more sleep.)

I’m convinced that the reason Bianca never became a permanent member of the 5 a.m. club (she tried, believe me) is that I did my absolute best to keep her in her darkened bedroom when she woke early. I snuggled in her bed with her, rocked her in the glider, and sand her lullabies until my throat went numb. Anything to avoid taking her out of her room and starting the day, thereby programming her little brain to keep it up.

No Napping the Day Away

Waking before dawn makes for a brutally long day. And I know I count the minutes until naptime on those groggy mornings. But don't allow your child to nap for hours on end to “make up” for lost sleep—tempting though it may be. Naps that are too long (I’m talking longer than 2.5 hours) make for a late bedtime and diminish nighttime sleep, actually fueling more early waking. The best recipe for breaking the cycle: naps that are restorative but not overly long, combined with an early bedtime.

Black Means Black

I’m a huge fan of blackout curtains, but I’m confused when someone tells me they have “blackout curtains” that allow in enough light to read a book. Why bother? Research has shown that even tiny beams of light can disrupt sleep. And you can bet your buttons that your early riser will detect the smallest ray of early morning sunlight.

If you want your little rooster to sleep longer, cover their window completely. My $5 solution: buy a twin-sized flat sheet in black from a discount store and fold it in half. Tack it up around the edge of the window. This works well and buys you some time to arrange for nicer, more permanent blackout shades.

Redefine Early

For most kids—except a few natural-born early birds—5 a.m. wakeups are just a phase. But your child may never sleep until 9 a.m. on a regular basis. Sorry. Again, little kids’ biological clocks date back to a time when it was desirable to wake up early. In the days before electric lights and DVRs, adults went to bed and woke a lot earlier, too.

So, while you can and should try to correct a 4:30 or 5 a.m. wakeup habit, you may have to accept 7 a.m. But only until they reach the school years, when they actually do need to get up early. Then, you will have to drag them out of bed by their heels. Promise.

7 am dilemma

Parenthood is full of choices.

Like right now. I am 100% sure that I need to shower this morning in order to maintain my status as a healthy, semi-functional member of society. No getting around that one.

But I am also 100% positive that the minute I get in the shower, Bianca will go into her sister's bedroom, wake her up, and steal her coveted pacifier. And I will step out of the shower to the sounds of all hell breaking loose in my household.

Of course, I could choose to skip the shower and maintain peace and quiet on the home front. But then I would have to avoid mirrors (and people) for the rest of the day.

I didn't really expect to use my business school education in my role as a stay-at-home parent. But I find myself doing cost-benefit scenarios all the time. As in "the benefit of going to the store at 6 pm versus the cost of a giant supermarket meltdown," and "the benefit of allowing Bianca to wear her princess dress to the park versus the cost of having it shredded on the monkey bars."

Honestly, I doubt a CEO handles as many decisions in a day as I do. The sheer volume of choices flying at me every day is staggering. OK, a CEO's decisions might involve more people and more money than my choices between broccoli and chicken nuggets, but they undoubtedly involve less screaming.

I am going with shower/potential Armageddon. Pray for me.